I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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