Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
