i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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