I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
