when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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