just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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