Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the day after is always just damage control
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
