people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
