I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
