They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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