So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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