in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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