just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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