A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
