so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
send nudes
from the living room?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
