Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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