Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
