addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
