Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
These tits shall not be calmed
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
