you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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