I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
