Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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