Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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