My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
