Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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