and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
