i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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