If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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