I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
