I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
