so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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