Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
