I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
