too bad you live with your parents still
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
