how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
