Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS