i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
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Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
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I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.