I faked an abortion last night.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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