one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting