my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The uberlube is also flammable
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"