I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
