he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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