areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
