i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
