In the future we'll all be gay
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There r osticjed everywhere
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
