Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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