I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
