You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
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