He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
