i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
