she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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