bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
