I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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