My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
