Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
