Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he fucked my hip out of place.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
