ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
