I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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