I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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