There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
