speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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