If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
