I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
