So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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