you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
