Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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