Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
