I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
