I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
