I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
