I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
