i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
