For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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