Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
