oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
