i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
